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PostSubject: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:33 pm

Post niu po dito ung mga favorite jokes Kahit mahaba man yan or hindi post na lang Smile

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:35 pm

sige mauna na ako ah ^^ ..


Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.

========================================

Juan: Pedro, nasaksak ako! Walang hinto ang tagas ng dugo. Please, call
me a nurse. Call me a nurse, bilis!
Pedro: Sige, you're a nurse! Nurse ka Juan! You're a nurse! Nurse kah!

========================================

Dalawa Lang muna hehe



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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:42 pm

Ako Susunod


Isang GaBi Sumkay Aq Ng Jeep
Lahat Ng PasaherO Nakatitig Sakin.
WaLng Umiimik Sinubukan Kong Magbyad PerO Di NiLa InaabOt Ang PEra Ko.

KiniLabutan Aq.

May 1 Matanda Ang BumuLOng Sakn 'hindi ka dapat napari2.umaLis kana habang kya mO pa.'

NapaLunOk Aq 'anO pO ibig niyOng sabihin?'






'iNARKILA NAMIN TO TANGA.'


--------------------------------

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:02 pm

BULAG at DULING magsusuntukan...

BULAG: Tangna mo duleng lumabas ka jan wag ka magtago sa dilim!

DULING: Tangna mo!. Bakit ako lalabas eh dalawa kau!!

Heheehehehe peace!!! \m/ chill out

----------------------------------------------------------------

Bad tagalog translations for English Movie Titles

1. Black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man's chest - dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer - uyy... aminin!
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. 4 weddings in a funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click - isang pindot ka lang
18. brokeback mountain - may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala / bumigay sa bundok
19. the day of the death - ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. waterworld - basang-basa
21. there's something about mary - may kwan sa ano ni maria
22. employee of the month - ang sipsip
23. resident evil - ang biyenan
24. kill bill - kilitiin sa bilbil
25. the grudge - lintik lang ang walang ganti
26. nightmare before christmas - binangungot sa noche buena
27. annie hall - ang butas ni annie
28. never been kissed - pangit kasi
29. gone in 60 seconds - 1 round, tulog
30. the fast and the furious - ang bitin, galit
31. too fast, too furious - kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
32. dude, where's my car - dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
33. beauty and the beast - ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya
34. the lord of the rings - ang alahero

----------------------------------------------------------------

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:19 pm

lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:33 pm

Friends at Hunting

Three friends La Sallite, a UP stude, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.

The first night, the guy from UP comes back to cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
So the La Sallite decides to try it himself. But the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask? "Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:35 pm

Spelling

Teacher: Miguel spell horse!
--Miguel: H....O....
Teacher: Bilisan mo
--Miguel: H....O....R...
Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo
--Miguel: Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig...

NYEE!! affraid NYEEKK!!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:36 pm

Asenso Na

IDOT: "Kumusta na? Long time no see ah!"
BONI: "Kararating ko lang galing sa Africa."
IDOT: "Africa?"
BONI: "Doon kami nadestino."
IDOT: "Hindi ba maraming cannibals doon?"
BONI: "Nakakatakot nga, pero mga edukado na ngayon sila."
IDOT: "Hindi na ba sila kumakain ng tao?"
BONI: "Nangangain pa rin ng tao, pero gumagamit na ng kutsara!"

NGEKK!! affraid

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:39 pm

Speaking Japanese - Filipino/English to Japanese translations:

Manok - Sekken
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Stereo - Akai
Cook - Giza-giza
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
This - Itto
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto.
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:52 pm

"filipino class"
Guro: juan, magbigay ng pangungusap na may tayutay...
Juan: Ahem. " ang tatay ay nadapa.. Tayo tay!! tayo tay!!!"

------------------------------------------------------

ang pagkakaibigan...
parang bulate sa puwet hindi mo makikita yun...
pero ikaw lang ang nakakadama ng kiliti nito...
salamat ha!!! dahil isa kang bulate sa puwet ko !!!
ang kati mo friend!!!

-------------------------------------------------------

kung pangarap mong mahalin ka ng isang tao ng totoo at tunay at hindi ka lolokohin...
Txt mo si Prospero Pichay!!!
Pangarap niyang tuparin ang pangarap mo!!!!

---------------------------------------------------------

There was a mommy fish who got separated from her baby fish...
When they saw each other again after a very long time..
the mommy fish said to the baby fish...


ISDA you?? Smile

-----------------------------------------------------------

Mahirap isipin at pag-isipan na ang taon iniisip mo ay hindi man lang lubos na makaisip na isipin ka...
naisip mo ba ang nais ipaisip ng isip ko??
Pag-isipan mo baka sakaling maisip mong isipin ako...

------------------------------------------------------------

kapag maraming ngaaway sau...
tawagin mo lng ako at sabay natin sabhin ang...
kapangyarihan ng taba...
taglay ay mantika..
kambal na biik..
kami ang....SUPER PIGS!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Minsan pagsapit ng umaga...
nakakasawa na yung mga bati na...
Gud am!!!
Eat your breakfast!!!
or Have a nice day!!!

para maiba naman
kape tau kahit tig-isang Timba lang Smile

-----------------------------------------------------------

Newly wed
Wife: ang liit ng bird mo hon!! may tattoo na ELMO, sakto lang mga letra...
Husband: maliit ba?? patigasin mo at basahin mo agad!!
Wife: Oh Shit!!! ELfilibusterisMO!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------

In a classy bar
German: waiter, REMY Martin, single!!!
French: Waiter, Carlo Rossi!!! double!!!
Pinoy: waiter, PoPOY Dimaunat!!! married!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Love.....
Love.....
Love....
IPASOK mo na....
Cge na...
Bilisan mo!!!
Bilis... basa na!!!!
basang basa na!!
Ipasok mo na....
Ipasok mo na...
ang mga sinampay!!!
Lakas ng ulan ah oh!!

------------------------------------------------------------------

isang araw nakita kita umiiyak sa ulan...
sumigaw ako sabi ko...
"Umalis ka jan!!!"
sabi mo
"wla kang pakialam!!! Dito lang ako!!!"
tumawa ako sabay sabi...
"bahala ka!!!! iyong titi mo!!! bakat na!!!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

ANG KORNY ANU !! HAYSSS Sad


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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:08 pm

A teacher was retiring after 30 years of teaching, so each child decided they wanted to bring her a special retirement present. A little girl who was the daughter of a fine chocolate dealer brought her a box full of fine chocolates.
A little boy who was the son of a florist brought her a big bouquet of flowers. Another little boy who was the son of a fine liquor dealer brought her a big box that was sealed, and it had something leaking from the bottom of the box. The teacher said, "I bet I know what this is!"

She tasted some of the juices that were leaking from the box and said, "I bet this is some wine!"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She tasted it again and said "Liquor?"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She tasted it again and said, "Beer?"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She said, "Well what is it?"

The little boy said, "A puppy!"
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:09 pm

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday, and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to the two different parts of the building.

As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued.

"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:13 pm

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:17 pm

2 ka mg amiga
ngpasikatay..
GRL1: our family spent d whole summer in Europe,
it was great! jw bout u? wr dd u spend ur summer vcation?

GRL2: i just spnt it hir n d philippines..

GRL1: rilly? uggghh! wer? hw poor!

GRL2: at ur boyfrnd's house..he was great! =)
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:18 pm

f sum1 loves u, there is actually no need
to ask nor beg for somthing u like or want to
happen because when a prson loves u.
dat a prson would prfectly learn about what mkes
u happy even without telling what it is.."
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:21 pm

i cn not spare her hart 2 b mine..

but..

i cn spare d time 2 let her realize dat...

she's mine.Wink
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:22 pm

apologizng doesn't always mean that u're wrong..
at times..
u do it because u value the relationship..& u love the person
more than u're ego..
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:29 pm

" respect those people who find TIME for you
in their busy schedule"

but really love those people who NEVER SEE their
schedule when u need them
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:52 pm

.,,John Lloyd Mongoloid: hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop,


.,,Betty: eh anu tayo???


.,,John Lloyd Mongoloid: Bagay....Bagay na bagay.


.,,tatlong itlog: eeeh, sobrang cheesy,


.,,NYAK!



.,,hoy greenwich talent fee q,
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:55 pm

.,,anung joke itatanong niu kay ate Aiko pag nakita niu xa?



JOKE:


.,,ako: ate Aiko hnd k b napilayan?


.,,ate AIKO: bakit nmn?


.,,ako: kasi nung nahulog ka sa langit d kita nasalo eEh,


.,,tatlong itlog: eeeh sobrang cheesy!



.,,grabe n talga 2...


.,,greenwich bayad bayad din,
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:29 pm

hahahahaha........

galing ni black dhalie !!!!

todo effort teka lng hah tingnan ko din inbox ko !!!
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:37 pm

ERap: Lintik na ibon yon...Iniputan ako!
Guard: Sir, sandali lang po kukuha ako ng
toilet paper...
Erap: Wag na! Paano mo pa mapupunasan yung
pwet non eh nakalipad na! Tanga ka talaga!
==============================
Erap: Tamad! Di ba sabi ko sayo diligan mo
ang mga halaman!
Hardinero: Sir, umuulan naman po kasi eh!
Erap: Magpapalusot ka pa! Tanga!.....
Eh di magkapote ka!
==============================
teacher: class anyone who knows who Jose Rizal is?


students: (quiet)


teacher: class do anyone konws WHO JOSE RIZAL IS?Huh?!!! (angry)


student: No mam, Baka po nasa kabilang Section.....
==============================

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:34 pm

hahahaha....Laughing Very Happy


Last edited by valine on Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:05 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:44 pm

ENGLISH TAGALOG DICTIONARY

01) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
02) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
03) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
04) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
05) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
06) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
07) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
08) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
09) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet
29) Backlog - bacon saka egg
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37) Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout!, a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F
45) Thesis - ito ay...

============================================

SENTENCE

01) I am very sorry because we only have Contemplate.
02) I contacted my mother abroad so that I will have Punctuation.
03) Pre, Ice Buko?
04) Have you noticed that I have brand new Tenacious.
05) Bro, have to go, Calculator. Ok?
06) Devastation is near EDSA.
07) I need to go to the Protestant to buy fruits for my grandmother.
08) Hello? Statue?
09) My God, Pwinz.. Tissue!
10) An animal rights organization is shouting, "Predicate!"
11) The truck caused another Dedicate.
12) my friend had accidentally steped an ASPECT, it was bloody mess!!!!
13) DEDUCT was having a bath in the putik while suddenly
14) DEFEAT of DEDUCT were hanged on the bamboo pole. but luckily
15) DETAIL was not harmed.
16) somebody call a plumber DEPOSIT is leaking
17) woman: hey is that the newest hairstyle?? man: yeah it's nice to call it CITY
18) someday me and my princess will live in a big big house that is likely a CATTLE
19) OMG son this is the PERSUADING that i attended since my last wedding (huh?)

23)
24) OK lets count in Filipino pito, wal0, siyam, SHAMPOO
25) If youll often buy in the UKAY2x probability is that DELUSION
26) If you put a cockroach on youre soup.... next thing you know eh DELIVERY na yun!
27) hey can you PROFIT that I really get youre cellphone
28) After you have a balance diet.... you will have a BALANCE SHEET
29) Guess my breakFast this morning.... its BACKLOG
30) Hey can you please BEEHIVE a little?? just a little....
31) You're Looking for shen right? why don't you CD-ROM to check if he's still inside?
32)
33)
34)
35)
36) You need to
37) Do you want to know if youre husband is cheating on you or not? gosh naman! DETEST him!
38) Class did you know that the word Wallet starts with DEVALUE
39) if you like our country to change DEVOTE mo si Eddie Gil
40) Gosh its so DILLEMA.... Duh can you get the Candle naman...
41) My Brother and I went to the EFFORT to fetch our mother who came from America
42) Our little house have FORUMS
43) hey you bastard did you see what really happen? or did JULY
44) Whats next after letter F? yes thats Liturgy
45) Thesis our beautiful mansion

============================================

Anak: Ma, hingi sana ako ng P50.

Nanay: P40? Ang laki naman ng P30! Anong gagawin mo sa P20?
Akala mo madaling kumita ng P10? O, eto P5.

==
Yan LanG muNa ^^

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PostSubject: Re: Joke's Thread   Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:54 pm

hahaha si niko

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