| | Joke's Thread |  |
|
+16maya.!! evilronald ►Aiköliš†ěr17◄ Aerith josef_aiko_ever -=AIKOHOLICS=- toniii kharenzkie923 valine NiKo >>>(AIVAN)>>> ☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼ razzthony ♪`KaTorzHe`♪ AiraLhen.o27 ►†•保护•Mr.NiCeGuY•保护•†◄ 20 posters |
|
| Author | Message |
|---|
☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼
Admin
Posts : 128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-05-14
Age : 32
Location : San Pedro, Laguna
|  Subject: Re: Joke's Thread  Thu Jun 18, 2009 10:51 am | |
| IDD call from the US
Husband: Hon, musta na ang tindahan?
Wife: department store na!
Husband: ang tuba-an?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: ang trickad?
Wife: taxi na!
Husband: ang dalawa kong anak?
Wife: lima na! | |
|
| | |
☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼
Admin
Posts : 128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-05-14
Age : 32
Location : San Pedro, Laguna
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Thu Jun 18, 2009 10:52 am | |
| Sa Math Class…
Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito, ilang
piraso na?
Banong: 2 po mam!
Teacher: At kung hnati ko pa pareho?
Banong: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.
Banong: 8 piraso po.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Banong: 16 po mam.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Banong: 32 piraso na po!
Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?
Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)
Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?
Banong: Ay susmaryosep mam! GINILING na po! GINILING!!! | |
|
| | |
☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼
Admin
Posts : 128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-05-14
Age : 32
Location : San Pedro, Laguna
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:00 am | |
| Isang linggo bago ng laban nila Pacquiao at Hatton ay kinausap si Inday ng amo nya.
Amo: Inday, lapit na ang laban ni Pacquiao at alam ko naman na close kayo.
Inday: Uh-huh. What are you getting at?
Amo: Eh diba may libreng pay-per-view ka dyan sa TV mo sa loob? Tanong ko lang sana kung pwede kaming manood dyan. Mas maganda kasi manood sa 50″ Plasma TV mo kesa dito sa 40″ LCD sa sala. Tutal tuwing laban naman ni Pacquiao ay nakikinood kami sa TV mo eh.
Inday: Ahh.. well if you won’t be making a mess afterwards I suppose I could allow you.
Amo: Talaga? Pupunta rin pala iba kong kaopisina para makinood ok lang? Lilinisin na lang namin kwarto mo pagtapos. (langya, amo maglilinis ng kwarto ng katulong)
Inday: Very well but I have a request as well…
Amo: Sure! Ano yun?
Inday: 3 days from now I’ll be flying to Las Vegas. Manny gave me a plane ticket and a VIP seat for his match. He got me a room at Mandalay as well. Anyway, I’m just informing you that I’ll be gone for 5 days.
Blag!! Dumugo ang ilong ng amo at hinimatay. | |
|
| | |
☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼
Admin
Posts : 128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-05-14
Age : 32
Location : San Pedro, Laguna
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:02 am | |
| Pinuntahan ni Inday ang malditang alaga na si Angelina sa kanyang kwarto para sabihang maligo na.
Pagbukas ng pinto ay nakita nyang si Angelina abalang naglalaro sa PC.
Inday: Angelina, can you cease for a while? It’s time for you to take a bath.
Hindi sya pinakinggan ni Angelina na patuloy pa rin sa pag-cocomputer.
Inday: I baked some chocolate cookies for you but you can only have it after you take a bath.
Angelina: Whatever yaya! (ngunit napaisip din sya) Ok wait, I will finish this round muna.
Ilang saglit ay tumayo si Angelina at kumuha na ng twalya at damit.
Inday: What are you up to anyway? (sabay lapit sa computer)
Angelina: Don’t touch that! I’m playing online Blackjack. I won $6 na. I will be back ok?
Lumabas ng kwarto si Angelina para maligo.
Dahil hindi pa nakakalaro si Inday ng online casino, sinubukan nyang laruin ang game ni Angelina.
Pagkatapos maligo ni Angelina ay naabutan nya si Inday na gumagamit ng computer.
Angelina: Yaya!!! What are you doing??! (sigaw ni Angelina)
Lumapit sya sa computer at napansing meron na syang $829.
Angelina: Wow yaya! What did you do?
Tuloy pa rin sa paglalaro si Inday habang inexplain ang kanyang ginawa.
Inday: It’s quite simple really iha. I first employed a multilevel Hi-Lo scheme with a side count add-on based on the Zen Count system. But of course, I was utilizing an overall true count methodology to take into account the multiple decks being used. Then I took it up a peg to the Uston Advanced Point Count method and paid particular attention to strategically optimizing my bets using the three-color chip scenario to disguise my wager.
Nawindang si Angelina sa explanation ni Inday.
Angelina: Wow yaya. You’re such a winner!
Napa-smile na lang si Inday.
(mukhang nagkakasundo na ang dalawa) | |
|
| | |
☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼
Admin
Posts : 128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-05-14
Age : 32
Location : San Pedro, Laguna
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:05 am | |
| Ginagaya ni Junior si Cassy, ang anak na babae nila Carmina at Zoren.
Junior: Si Daddy, di alam mag ponytail…
Pinakita ang panget na pagka-ponytail ni Mr. Montemayor.
Junior: … di marunong magtahi…
Pinakita ni Junior ang kanyang tinagpi-tagping teddy bear.
Junior: Di marunong mag-garden.. (sigh)
Pinakitang nagupit ni Mr. Montemayor ang mga bulaklak sa garden ni misis.
Junior: Madaming di alam si Daddy…
Umentra si mister sa bahay na may dalang ice cream.
Mr. Montemayor: I’m home!!!
Junior: Pero alam nya pag-weekend…
Mr. Montemayor: Movieeee timeee!!!
Dali-daliang pumunta si misis at si Junior kay mister.
Kumatok si Mr. Montemayor sa pinto ng kwarto ni Inday.
Mr. Montemayor: Inday… panood naman kami dyan sa home entertainment mo. Movie time kasi namin eh. Diba dumating na rin yung Twilight DVD na in-order mo sa Amazon? | |
|
| | |
☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼
Admin
Posts : 128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-05-14
Age : 32
Location : San Pedro, Laguna
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:06 am | |
| Kumatok si Inday at pumasok sa kwarto ni Angelina upang sabihang maligo na ito.
Inday: Angelina, your mum said you should take a bath first before dinnertime.
Abalang abala si Angelina sa paglalaro ng kanyang PS2 at hindi pinansin si Inday.
Inday: Angeli…
Angelina: I heard you the first time yaya. I’m not bingi. But I’m still playing here pa. I suppose you don’t know what a PS2 is. Wala kasi ito sa bundok. (patuloy pa rin sa paglalaro).
Ang hindi alam ni Angelina ay may PS3 si Inday ngunit tumahimik na lang ito.
Inday: What are you playing anyway?
Angelina: Why? You don’t know it naman eh. I’m playing Tekken 5… Ok, let us play 1 game. If you beat me I will take a bath but if I win you leave me alone ok?
Kunwaring nag-iisip pa si Inday pero pumayag din ito. Di alam ni Angelina na expert si Inday sa Tekken at sya ang nagturo sa kanyang alaga na si Junior.
Inday: Ok it’s a deal!
Iniabot ni Angelina ang isang controller at nilagay na sa arcade mode.
Inday: So who is the character suitable for beginners here? (pakunwaring tanong ni Inday)
Inisip ni Angelina ang pinakamahirap na gamitin na character.
Angelina: Yaya choose Kuma the Panda. He’s the easiest!
Alam ni Inday na niloloko lang sya ni Angelina ngunit pinili niya pa rin si Kuma at kinuha ni Angelina si Nina.
Nagsimula na ang round 1.
Nagpapatama si Inday sa simula habang kumukuha ng tamang tyempo. Aliw na aliw si Angelina dahil pinaglalaruan lang niya si Inday. Nang nakakita ng pagkakataon si Inday…
Inday: (bulong sa sarili) Bear Headbutt… Trout Sweep… Bear Lariat… Dead Claw going back to Bear Headbutt… Bear Flail Kick followed by Demon Uppercut then Double Hammer while rising and finally finishing with Pancake Press.
Kuma Wins. Nawindang si Angelina sa nangyari.
Angelina: You’re such a chambalera yaya. I won’t forgive you na in the next round. You’re going to lose!
Round 2.
Naging agresibo na si Inday dahil malapit na rin maghapunan.
Inday: (bulong ulit sa sarili) Double claw… Big bear attack… Windmill Punch closing in for a Bear’s Bite… followed by G-clef Cannon then quickly with a Killing Uppercut with Grizzly Claw… finally finishing with an unblockable Fatal Wind in close range.
Kuma Wins.
Di makapaniwala si Angelina sa nagawa ni Inday. Dinabog ang hawak na controller at kumuha ng tuwalya at lumabas ng kwarto para maligo.
Inday: You’re such a loser Angelina. (sabi sa sarili)
Inday Wins! | |
|
| | |
☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼
Admin
Posts : 128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-05-14
Age : 32
Location : San Pedro, Laguna
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:06 am | |
| Unang umaga ni Inday sa temporary nyang amo. Kailangan ay gisingin nya ng maaga si Angelina para pumasok sa eskwela.
Pinuntahan nya ang kanyang alaga sa kwarto.
Inday: Angelina honey, time to go to school.
Hindi umimik si Angelina. Nilapitan ni Inday at kinalabit.
Inday: C’mon dear. Your clothes are already prepared.
Angelina: NoOo!
Inday: But you have to go to school. Let’s go or you’ll miss the bus.
Angelina: Noo!! I don’t want to yaya! You’re such a loser!
Huminga ng malalim si Inday para kumalma.
Inday: Tell you what? I’ll bake you a batch of chewy white chocolate chip cookies when you get home.
Angelina: Really yaya?
Inday: Yes I promise, just get dressed ok?
Nagpabihis nga si Angelina. Ngunit matapos mabihisan ng maputing uniporme, bigla itong humiga sa sahig at gumulong gulong.
Nagulat si Inday sa ginawa ng bata at di napigilan ang sarili.
Inday: What are you doing Angelina?!? I just pressed those! Stop doing that this instant!
Nagpatuloy pa rin si Angelina na gumulong gulong sa sahig para madumihan at magusot ang kanyang uniporme.
Bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si misis. Biglang tumayo si Angelina at nag-behave.
Misis: Ano ba ito? Inday bibihisan mo lang ang anak ko ang tagal tagal pa.
Inday: But madam I…
Misis: Hay nako akala ko ba plinantsa mo yung uniporme ni Angelina! Anak halika na at naghihintay na ang school bus mo.
Di na pinasagot ni misis si Inday. Sumama si Angelina sa kanyang nanay palabas ng kwarto at iniwan si Inday.
Nakikita ang galit sa mga mata ni Inday. Bumilis ang tibok ng kanyang puso.
Inday: Oh you wanna play this game huh? You insolent brat! (sabi nya sa sarili) | |
|
| | |
☼۩ߪ®ĸª₫ª♠†®¡ρ۩☼
Admin
Posts : 128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-05-14
Age : 32
Location : San Pedro, Laguna
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:17 am | |
| Habang nagbrobrowse si Inday sa craigslist ay may nakita syang ad:
WANTED: Temporary Chambermaid
* Medium-sized house in a good neighborhood
* Owners usually out
* No pets
* One child (girl)
We need a housemaid-on-call who can temporary fill in for our regular one in case she’s unavailable. Hired personnel will only need to clean the house and watch over our daughter. Freelancers welcome to apply.
Please call 0919-xxxxxxx to schedule an interview.
Interesado si Inday na mag-freelance kaya’t tinawagan nya ito para magpa-schedule.
Pagdating sa bahay ng araw ng interview, ni-ring nya ang doorbell.
Yung bata ang nagbukas ng pinto.
Inday: Hello young lady, I’m here for an interview. What’s your name?
Angelina: Ewww. Who are you? Another loserrr yaya? Whatever?? (at pumasok ulit para tawagin ang kanyang nanay)
Nagulat si Inday sa narinig sa bata. | |
|
| | |
♪`KaTorzHe`♪
Admin
Posts : 140
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-04-26
Age : 30
Location : CaViTeY ..
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Thu Jun 18, 2009 5:28 pm | |
| Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:
Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!
**********************************************
Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado 'yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.
**********************************************
3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na **kama**:*
TANGA1: Pare, di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa, sa lapag na
lang matulog. (Bumaba si Tanga 1.)
TANGA2: Ayan, pare maluwag na, akyat kana dito!
********************************************** | |
|
| | |
kharenzkie923
Admin
Posts : 425
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-04-21
Age : 33
Location : Antipolo City
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:12 pm | |
| haha..mga kLokohaN nag L2basan aNg sya ahaha..  | |
|
| | |
AiraLhen.o27
Admin
Posts : 229
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2009-04-19
Age : 31
Location : Japan/Baliwag Bulacan
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:19 am | |
| hahahaha lheiko | |
|
| | |
toniii
Posts : 27
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 29
Location : dasma,cavite PH
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Fri Jul 17, 2009 4:20 pm | |
| Mom - Anak, mag-ingat ka sa daan pagpasok sa eskwela. Child - Opo, Nay! Mom - Pag may nakita kang sasakyan sa daan, tumabi ka. Child - Opo, Nay! Mom - Di ka naman yata nakikinig. Ano nga ba ang bilin ko sa iyo? Child - Pag may nakita po akong sasakyan sa daan, tatabihan ko po yung sasakyan. KORNii EE.  | |
|
| | |
toniii
Posts : 27
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 29
Location : dasma,cavite PH
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Fri Jul 17, 2009 4:20 pm | |
| Matapos ang dalawang taon na pag-aaral sa Manila ay masayang umuwi ang anak sa kanilang probinsiya. Son - Itay, sa wakas natapos na rin ako sa pag-aaral. Dad - Magaling anak! Ano bang tinapos mo? Son - AB, Itay. Dad - AB lang inabutan ka nang dalawang taon? Ako, isang taon lang, tapos ko ang ABC hanggang XYZ! JOKE LET | |
|
| | |
-=AIKOHOLICS=-
Posts : 14
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-08-01
Age : 35
Location : rosario,cavite
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Sat Aug 01, 2009 9:26 pm | |
| ang anak na panget anak: ma! sbi ng mga kalaro ko panget daw ako.. mama: anak, ang kgndahan ay nsa loob.. kya wag ka ng lumabas..dto ka lng.  | |
|
| | |
-=AIKOHOLICS=-
Posts : 14
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-08-01
Age : 35
Location : rosario,cavite
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Sat Aug 01, 2009 11:18 pm | |
| | |
|
| | |
-=AIKOHOLICS=-
Posts : 14
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-08-01
Age : 35
Location : rosario,cavite
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Sun Aug 02, 2009 12:05 am | |
| GOVERNMENT WARNING: AIKOHOLICS IS DANGEROUS TO YOUR BRAIN.... BAT GANUN PAG KAGISING SA UMAGA SA SASALAMIN MUKA MO ANG NA KIKITA PAG NALILIGO MUKA MO NASA TABO... PAG KAKAIN MUKA MO NASA PLATO... PAG IINUM MUKA MO NASA BASO.... PAG LABAS KO NG BAHAY...................................... MUKA MO LAGI KONG NAKIKITA... BALIW NA BA AKO???? AIKO CLIMACO??? BY:RODOLFO ASINTADO DIMAKATAMA  | |
|
| | |
josef_aiko_ever
Posts : 6
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-07-19
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:20 pm | |
| pulis:hoy! alam mo bang bawal maglasing dito? lasing:hindi ako lasing huh! pulis:hindi mo ba ako kilala? lasing:kilala kita bakit ako kilala mo ako? pulis:hindi lasing:eh ikaw pala lasing eh hindi mo ako kilala  pulis:hoy lasing ka huh lasing:hindi po sir papatunayan ko po sa inyo pulis:sige patunayan mo lasing:itong gate na ito gate ng bahay namin ito yung susi bubuksan ko bumukas ang gate lasing:nakikita mo itong pinto sakin yan tignan mo bubuksan ko bumukas ang pinto lasing:yang mga appliances nakikita mo sakin lahat yan nakikita mo yang hagdan na yan papunta yan sa second floor namin umakyat at nakarating sa second floor lasing:nakikita mo yang kwarto na yan kwarto namin ng asawa ko yan yung nakahiga sa kama asawa ko yun yung nakapatong sa asawa ko ako yun | |
|
| | |
AiraLhen.o27
Admin
Posts : 229
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2009-04-19
Age : 31
Location : Japan/Baliwag Bulacan
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:27 am | |
| | |
|
| | |
Aerith
Posts : 15
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-08-31
Age : 31
Location : Metro Manila
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:49 pm | |
| Teacher:Ano tawag mo sa taong nagpakamatay? Student:Suicide.. Teacher:Eh Nagpakamatay sa loob ng bahay? Student:Inside... Teacher:Sa labas ng bahay? Student:Outside... Teacher:Namatay na Maraming Insekto? Student:Insecticide... Teacher:Namatay sa tabing ilog? Student:Riverside... Teacher:Namatay sa States? Student:Statesside... Teacher:Namatay sa Corner? Student:Side by Side.. | |
|
| | |
kharenzkie923
Admin
Posts : 425
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-04-21
Age : 33
Location : Antipolo City
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:52 pm | |
| aerith tnx s pg popost d2 s site PLEASE intro k muna..tnx..  | |
|
| | |
►Aiköliš†ěr17◄
Admin
Posts : 884
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 29
Location : ♦Sa puso at tabi ni ate AIKO♦
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Sun Sep 06, 2009 7:06 pm | |
| TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science. What is science?
PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!
TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?
PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.
TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
nakakatawa ba...whahahaha....^^
______________
I may not be your PEPSI choice of the new generation;
I may not be your COKE, only the real thing;
or your NIDO, world's no. 1
but I can be your REXONA I won't let you down. | |
|
| | |
evilronald
Moderator
Posts : 969
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-08-19
Age : 32
Location : Where ever she will Go!
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Fri Sep 25, 2009 8:24 pm | |
| add you and me
minus ur clothes
divide ur legs
then multiply | |
|
| | |
maya.!!
Posts : 3
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-09-30
Age : 34
Location : bicol
| |
| | |
evilronald
Moderator
Posts : 969
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-08-19
Age : 32
Location : Where ever she will Go!
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Tue Dec 22, 2009 9:54 pm | |
| | |
|
| | |
evilronald
Moderator
Posts : 969
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2009-08-19
Age : 32
Location : Where ever she will Go!
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:19 pm | |
| e2 pinakita lng sken ng classmate ko
peace Mr. Villar supporter mo rin aq ehehehe
Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng kubeta
Nag-chongke ka na ba sa gitna ng kalsada
Yan ang tanong namin, tunay ka bang isa samin
Nalaman mo na ba na mapagnanakaw ka nya
Tutulungan tayo para maging sindikato
at ang kanyang plano ay magnakaw tayo
si Villar ang tunay na pahirap
si Villar ang tunay na walang gilagid
si Villar ang may kakayahan
at gumawa ng sariling sugalan
si Manny Villar ang maghahakot ng ating
kayamanan!
GO VILLAR! | |
|
| | |
Sponsored content
| | Subject: Re: Joke's Thread | |
| |
|
| | |
| | Joke's Thread | |
|
